Sean Penn: I Want To Be The Next Charlie Sheen

A Trip to Mexico and ‘Free Cocaine For Life’ Can Change A Man’s Outlook on Existence – Ancient Proverb

American actor Sean Penn is used to making a name for himself, but now he is looking to take the name-making game to a whole new level. “I want to be the next Charlie Sheen'” said Penn from the set of his newest film, Chocolate Milk. “I’ve been banging hookers and acting like an entitled ass for years, and it’s about time I get the recognition I deserve.”

According to sources close to the asshole, the idea for Penn to become the next Charlie Sheen came to him while visiting Mexico. “He was the guy on the escape motorcycle, in the tunnel helping that drug lord escape,” explains Chocolate Milk director C. Pain Meadows. “Soon after, Sean won a ‘Cocaine for Life’ sweepstakes he had forgotten entering and it was while claiming the prize the thought occurred to him…why not become the next Charlie Sheen?”

Penn has acknowledged that he did indeed drive the ‘getaway’ cycle, saying: “I was researching a role and it was a good opportunity.” Still, the whole name-making has been a bit hard on his friends and co-workers, Penn admits. “Some of them understand, my true friends. The others…well, they just think I like doing copious amounts of blow and banging hookers. They don’t understand what it takes to make a name for yourself in Hollywood…especially if that name is Charlie Sheen.”

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