Putin Declares Sky Over Syria “Is Lava”

A day after a US Navy fighter jet shot down a Syrian warplane, Russia warned that the entire sky where the shootdown occurred would be considered “Lava” for the next ten days. 

Experts have pointed out that while Russia is legally within it’s rights to declare the sky is lava under international law, it must clearly state the altitude of said lava

“They can’t just say it’s all lava, that’s ridiculous,” according to Rob Stanley of the Lava Game Studies Lab in Los Alamos, New Mexico. “Besides, the US Navy has the new F-35 JSF deployed to the theater, and it has the newest anti-lava technology available.” 

The United States has “about 20” lava-capable F-35’s deployed off the coast of Syria, all equipped with the state-of-the-art Double Dog Dare 10 Second Rule No-Take-Back Technology. The fairness of this technology has been disputed by the Russians, who claim to be working on being able to make the ocean into lava.

“That’s complete bullshit.” assures Press Secretary Sean Spicer. “They can have the floor be lava, heck, in Syria almost all of it is lava already, but not the Ocean.” Military experts have stated explicitly that declaring the ocean lava would create several small islands, allowing the US to continue fielding the F-35

The Russians have so far not commented on the possible existence of small islands, other than to say they would probably be lava too.

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