The decisive victory of President Prime Minister Admiral General Aladeen, the dictator of the Republic of Wadiya, in the 100 Meter Dash has raised many eyebrows at the Rio Olympic games.
Several nations, including Jamaica and the United States, have officially asked Rio officials to look into how Aladeen managed to win the race despite having only ran 57 meters while carrying what appeared to be a loaded revolver. The race also lasted a record 24 seconds, far exceeding previous times needed for the event.
“Ahh.. America, the birth place of AIDS,” said Aladeen when told of the cheating and bribery allegations. “Of course I aladeen the race. And if this Olympics had pull-ups, I would aladeen that as well. I invented the pull-up.”
Rio olympic officials have said that while they do plan to look into any allegations surrounding the race, their time has been filled lately with the murder of two of it’s very own investigators. “We put two men on the case, but they have been found dead, and of course a murder investigation takes precedence over a foot race,” said Rio Police Chief Col. Sanders.