Deportation too ‘Complex’ to Accomplish in Our Lifetime

As Donald Trump pushes for more cities to end their ‘sanctuary policies’ regarding immigration, several activists organizations have have banded together and are calling for a new round of comprehensive immigration reform.

According to the Open Borders Coalition, a group made up of over 24 separate pro-illegal immigrant rights groups, the reform to the nations immigration laws are necessary due to ‘the inherent impossibility of moving a human being across an imaginary line’. The group has called on scientist to make public the results of ‘secret blind studies’ that they claim will prove, once and for all, that transporting a human being from one place to another ‘cannot be done with today’s technology’.

“This is not about right or wrong anymore, it’s about physics and reality,” explains Angelo Blohart, latino spokesperson for the Open Borders Coalition. “We have incontrovertible evidence that the United States government simply cannot move these people back to Mexico, it is too complicated. Assuming there was some way of knowing who is here legally, like some sort of documentation, assuming you have that then you would need to have a way, some vessel or means of transporting them across the border. And the fact is there is nothing capable of doing that.

The Open Borders Coalition asks for a more reasonable, less complex solution to the problem of illegal immigration, one they claim is ‘much simpler’ than moving a person from one place to another.

“First, for about 20 years you do nothing, you allow these illegals to have children and be exploited for their labor and get everyone worked up over whether they pay taxes or use too much resources and so on. I promise, it’s going to be fun. Then, at some time in the future, if you want to discuss the problem you can then use those kids as some sort of ‘shield’ and pull on all the heartstrings of the American public. So you’ve got millions of kids, millions of heartstrings, and if that fails you have something like 3 billion race cards in circulation. See, much simpler and less complex than moving people.”

Donald Trump has responded to the request by assuring Americans that the government is working on the transportation problem and that a way to enforce existing laws will soon exist.

“We have our best scientist working on something called a bus.” Trump told reporters this morning. “It’s like a van, but bigger, and we may be able to use it to move people. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it is going to be beautiful. If this doesn’t work I swear we will invent something that can fly a dozen or so people across that border all at once and land safely.

When asked if such technology would be possible in our lifetime, Trump responded, “I hope so. Imagine if only a thousand people a day could cross that border…wouldn’t that be something?”