Bean Count Finally Finished

The results of the long delayed Comprehensive Bean Count were announced yesterday to the surprise of the entire world. The news of the total number of beans, 122.3 Million, came only two days after President Donald Trump reopened the count and appointed his advisor Stephen Bannon to head the count.

The count, begun in 1983 under orders of then US President Jimmy Carter, has proceeded on and off over the ensuing decades, leading many to believe that a final count would never actually be attained. That it took the Trump administration only two days to complete the count, as well as the surprisingly low number of beans said to exist, has surprised practically everyone.

Officials at the White House released the following statement along with the results:  “Due to the ongoing Senate confirmation hearings, we did not think we would have time to do the important work of restarting the bean count. However, it was discovered only days ago that an even more formal counting of these beans had occurred years ago, and the results of that count were easily found via the interwebs. There are approximately 122.3 million beans.

 

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